I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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