But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
