Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
