dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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