those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
