Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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