He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
