Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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