i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
