Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
