I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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