a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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