Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
