I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
