considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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