Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I booty called her while she was in labor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
