The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
