I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
