Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
