I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
