dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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