just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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