Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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