I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
