The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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