dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize