I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize