I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
this hospital has no fireball
Is Oprah even human
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
