my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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