Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
