If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
