i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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