ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
