Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
