There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
