CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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