The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
