She's JV to your varsity
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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