dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize