She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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