At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
