If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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