the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
