OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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