that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
