I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
