Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
worst night to have a conscience
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
