Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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