false alarm. still invincible.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
