ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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