I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
