and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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