Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
