highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
