You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
