I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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