Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
