There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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