I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
