I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize