ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I believe in your delicious
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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