someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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