another moral hangover. fuck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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