I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
