I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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