Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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