John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
